We either come into relationship as the role we are playing or as the being that we are.
Signs that we are in a role
e.g. the parent-child, teacher-student, employer-employee, etc.
a) We come into superiority (dominating)-inferiority (subservient) relationships rather than interacting with mutual respect.
b) We feel the need to prove that we are right, and when others disagree with us we get angry.
c) We have expectations of the roles others are playing in relation to us. We expect our friend to behave in a certain way and then when they don’t that one time we feel hurt.
d) We jump to conclusions about others and their behaviour without getting the full picture first.
When we come into relationship from being:
a) We are aware of our inner qualities (peace, love, joy, wisdom and inner strengths) and our roles are means to express these qualities. We do not want or need anything from others.
b) We don’t feel the need to prove anything so there is more harmony, co-operation and support in our relationships . So we inspire others and creativity flourishes as people don’t feel threatened.
c) When we are in charge of our inner world our inner powers work well too, such as our power to discriminate over what to let in and what not to.
Developing inner power
a) Empower your self through your own positive thoughts. Who but you chooses what to think? I am totally responsible for my inner world of thoughts and feelings.
b) Develop an attitude of learning from others. Ask: what is this situation teaching me? Is there something that I need to change? What is this person telling me about myself? Instead of getting caught up and going around and around in ones mind.
c) Get to know your self. If we don’t know what our part in the drama in life is we will be very confused and blown here and there. Get to know your inner qualities and values and living by them. Then you will no longer have to doubt yourself and need to check with others how you should be. Paradoxically the more you are yourself and the less you pretend to be what you are not the more others will respect you.
d) Appreciate others good qualities and focus on these rather than on their weaknesses. Others will never change through us telling, nagging, bossing and criticising. Well maybe temporarily due to fear, but this not lasting. When I tell someone off I am re-enforcing their mistake(s). Instead if I maintain a positive vision of them I empower them to change. When someone is cross with you- embrace them.
e) Protect your self from negative external influences that disturb your inner world resulting in the loss of your peace and happiness. When we become disturbed by outside events we have lost control over my own inner experience. Practice being a detached observer of what is going on around you and then you will also find that you can then contribute positively to the situation rather than just reacting to it too.
Absolute freedom is… to be anywhere, with anyone and in any circumstance and be in charge of my inner world. Such a state of mind is full of self-respect and respect for others and nothing anyone can say/do can hurt me as I have a deep understanding of the situation and see the full picture. If I can be disturbed then someone or something has power over me and I am just living from storm to storm.
