Tolerance, what is it?
Tolerance means to give and not take; I rely on my own inner resources and not on outside resources.
How did we become intolerant?
As spiritual beings each of us came here with our own mix of innate qualities and resources. Over time, focusing outwards, we have forgotten these inner treasures. We just notice that we no longer feel so content. Then one day we find that when things are ‘just so’ we once again experience contentment. So now we link ‘experiencing contentment’ to externals being ‘just so’. The only problem with this though is that people and situations are not going to remain static and ‘just so.. Now when they aren’t ‘just so’ our peace and happiness go and we begin to nag, boss, contrive and try to control people and situations to make them be as we need them to be so that we can be happy once again. Eventually we lose our tolerance towards people and situations as we find we can’t control them but are dependent on them for knowing contentment.
Becoming tolerant?
How do we make the return journey to fullness, and of knowing that our peace and happiness are independent of externals being ‘just so’. So that even if ‘W’ isn’t behaving as we would like them to we don’t feel threatened and become intolerant, rather we can remain loving and sympathetic towards them as our happiness isn’t dependent on their behavior. This actually means that now we can see their need and offer real help.
Re-building tolerance 1: some small things we can begin to do
a) See if there is a funny or entertaining side to the situation that is in front of you. You can pretend that you are watching a film.
b) Be less fast to jump to conclusions and judge people and situations. Check out the full story first.
Remember that advert of a man walking under some scaffolding and turning around to see another man running towards him. It was only when the camera zoomed out
that we saw that the second man wasn’t about to attack him but that the scaffolding was about to collapse on him!
c) Be aware of typecasting yourself. Are you locked into an identity and only able to see the world from this stance?
Recently there was a weekend retreat for prison forces. There were people there from all jobs that exist within the prison services. It became obvious that there were various conflicts between different ‘job groups.’ Then on the second day the prison governor got up and told everyone what it was really like to be the prison governor. The whole group, particularly the security guards, who were most at conflict with him, were surprised by what he said.
d) Be prepared to listen to what others are saying, to see their side too. To understand. When we become emotional or aggressive towards others they feel threatened and defenses go up. They will not be open to hearing my point of view at all. Likewise the other way around, what do I do when someone is being pushy towards me? Am I not defending rather than listening?
During the above retreat the following workshop took place. Everyone was given a role (job) to play other than their own and a scene to enact. Almost at once everyone was arguing and tolerance had gone out the window. It was the paper identities battling it out and no-one was listening to anyone.
