There is:
– the person you meet with infrequently but with whom you get on with so well.
– the person you see everyday but with whom you feel uncomfortable.
A meaningful connection
This isn’t based on what we are saying or how we are reacting to each other, it is at the level of feelings. Connecting with others is to do with how we feel inside.
Uncomfortable connections
When there is a sense of tension or discomfit usually what has happened is that we have entered into that relationship ‘out of an emotion’ i.e. a need to feel secure, loved, appreciated etc. ‘An emotion as an intense feeling generated by an unmet need, Marshal Rosenberg’. There is the expectation that this relationship will fill our need. It maybe that this need is met/partly met for a time, however, it is rare for it to be consistently met. Do you find it possible to continuously meet all the needs others are expecting you to fulfill for them?
At some point something backfires and we feel uncomfortable, rejected, hurt, or simply that something isn’t working. As a result we become more wary of entering into new relationships. We become less trusting and these feelings become a barrier to opportunities to genuinely connect with others and genuinely get our needs met.
Moving into genuine connections
First we need to become full; to become full we need to first connect with ourselves. What is the quality of your connection with you? How comfortable are you in your own skin?
Our relationships with others are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. They show us parts of ourselves we are comfortable and uncomfortable with. Some people reflect back to us our qualities, whilst others our weaknesses i.e. something that is lacking inside (an emptiness within.) What we are in fact lacking is the experience of that particular aspect of our own goodness.
To know our heart we need to detach ourselves from our outer layers: the physical layer and the roles we play; then our persona and our memories of past experiences. Doing this we arrive at a deep place of stillness and discover our wholeness. Here we can develop a deep appreciation of who we are. In meditation we can connect with our deepest layer. Give time and space to being with you.
Then again often the last person we want to be with is our self. Perhaps because we have a large bank of painful memories that we don’t know how/want to face. Here, connecting to God gives us the love and support we need to face and clear out this ‘bank’.
He is a Being of the purest vibration of love who quickly understands our hearts. He encourages us to find the best in ourselves and to live this. He wants nothing and is constantly giving. To make this connection we need to cultivate silence. In silence our mind relaxes, becomes quiet and open.
Connecting with others
Now going back into connection with others we are able to see beyond the obvious, the surface, to the heart of others. Take an insulated wire: it as if our outer layers are the insulation and the wire is our life force. When we look at the body and persona of others it is as if we are connecting with the rubber insulating the wire. We are connecting with others on the basis of what we see, these connections are in fact reactions to what we see.
Our connection is very different when we connect with the spirit that is expressing itself through the body. We see and hear something different; we no longer see the surface behaviour we see the need behind the behaviour and there is mercy and compassion for a soul that is seeking love.
