Do you ever say yes when you mean no, and no when you really wanted to say yes?
Why do we say yes when we mean no? How do you feel as a result of this?
Why do we say no when we know it is right to say yes? How do you feel afterwards?
How we feel afterwards is a good indication of if the decision was a right one or not for us?
How can we come to discriminate when to say yes or no? & Where do we find the conviction and courage to do so from?
To gain this clarity we need to look ‘inside’ ourselves with a lot of honesty. We are used to deceiving ourselves so much of the time that to truly ‘see’ if we are being honest with ourself or not we need to become a detached observer seeing myself without judgement and with the same understanding and love that I would extend to a friend. Merely observing the present situation without guilt or criticism.
Then ask yourself:
1. Why did I say yes/no then when deep down I knew I wanted to say no/yes? Am I nurturing myself with this yes/no? Am I really being a friend to myself? The more I can see when yes/no nurtures me and/or is an act of fulfilling my responsibilities the more clarity I will have.
2. Where do I want to go with my life? Do I have an aim? What do I want to attain? Without a clear vision of where we want to get to how can we discriminate when to say yes/no? When we are drifting we react on habit, get hooked onto others aimlessness, take the easy way or reply from feelings of low self-esteem/anger/hurt. The more clearly we see our destination the clearer it is know what to do.
3. What do I want to invest my heart and feelings in? What do I want to invest my energy in? We each arrive here in life with our own make-up of time, energy and qualities. The more clearly we know what we want to invest in/don’t want to be a part of the more clarity and courage we will have to say yes/no.
4. How much do I value my life? Have you considered how valuable your life is and how precious each moment is? We often tend to live as if our time here is unlimited rather than limited. What would you do if you knew you only had one day left to live? The more we value life, the clearer our aim and direction is.
5. Who inspires you? That person is touching a value you hold inside you. Know what you value and support it, choose to be patient and gentle rather than losing your temper for example.
6. What upsets you? This time it is that you esteem the opposite, for example, if dishonesty upsets you it means that you value honesty.
Finally the decision is between you and you, not you and others. If you want to experience something new you need to do something new. Also don’t be cheated by others reactions (or by how you think they might react). If you have always said ‘yes’ and now say ‘no’ they will probably be confused. Our enemies are within not outside, so to say yes/no with a good feeling based on the reality of me – from a soft place within- knowing that this is what is right/wrong for me right now and thus will only bring benefit to all involved.
True freedom is to be able to choose how to feel, respond and be.