There are three main relationships: with the self, with others and with God.
In relationship with myself
Do I consider that I am in a relationship with myself? When I say ‘I…’ who is I? Do I mean these hands, feet, arms… this body? Who is the I that feels, cares and believes? Is it this physical body alone that thinks and knows or is I the inner being that resides within this body?
Whoever I consider I to be this I can be thought of as having three aspects: the mind, the heart and the conscience and with each of these aspects I have a separate relationship.
The mind
‘that beings mind is their best of friends…. that very mind acts as the very worst of enemies’ Bhagavad Gita: http://www.bhagavad-gita.org/Gita/verse-06-06.html
Most of us will not be unfamiliar with this quote, is your mind your best friend or is it your worst enemy? Does your mind support or undermine you? Does it work for you or do you hear that little voice saying: you can’t do that, you are hopeless, you are no good, you will make a mess of it etc. ?
Consider:
1. How would you treat a good friend? In true friendship there is mutual benefit, we support each other.
2. We can begin to make friends with our own minds… by listening and speaking to it. It is the purpose of the mind to think. Yet at times we try to silence it, suppress it, distract it or let in get caught up in something negative. Instead become more aware of what you are thinking and speak to it, reassure it and gently guide it onto a more positive road. As you do this you will find that you become less reactive and more able to respond to situations that arise.
3. Then look at what you are ‘feeding’ your mind. TV shows, horror films, ‘www’, computer games, etc… there is so much out there for entertaining our minds. How about good, positive, inspiring, creative, wise and nourishing thoughts? A clue is: how content and uplifted you mind is as to how nourishing the ‘food‘ you are ‘feeding‘ your mind is.
The result… you will find as you support your mind so it begins to support you.
The heart
What does it mean to have a good relationship with my heart? What does my heart need? As with my mind I am responsible for the well-being of my heart, meaning for its nurturing, sustaining and empowering it. This means that I don’t need to wait for someone else to come along to give my heart what it needs or to heal it. I can choose to do this for myself right now.
How do I strengthen and empower my heart?
1. There is a deep connection between my mind and my heart. Consider, when I ‘feed‘ my mind positive and nourishing thoughts and then reflect on them do I not find that these thoughts lead me into the feeling of these thoughts? By leading my mind and heart in such positive experience I strengthen and empowered it. As we accumulate such experiences we find that we can be more generous and understanding of others, try it to see for yourself if it works.
2. God also offers us His help in healing our hearts. The experience of His unconditional and non-judgmental love allows us to let go of our hurts, to give them to Him and so to heal and forgive. It isn’t about understanding, explaining or analysing, some hurts are just too deep or buried for this, but of experiencing His love for me. The time honoured ways of meditation and silence allow us to personally experience God’s love for us.
The conscience
Our conscience is to do with our spiritual identity. When we are in our physical identity we are under many external influences and we develop a material consciousness. This leads us into ‘ignorance’ and we say: right, wrong or does it even matter? Thus we have damaged our own consciences by ignoring and going against them. Now we need to bring it back to life.
1. Let whatever has happened in the past be the past, but from now on we choose to listen to and respect its guidance. This is an act of love, when you do you will find that you will regain your dignity, self-respect, be able to stand tall, look others straight in eyes and also give regard to others. It is on your side and when you pay attention to it it grows stronger and stronger.
2. We can hear its guidance more easily when we are aware of our inner spiritual self.
In relationship with others
Today relationships are listed as one of the top causes of stress. Relationships are defined by communication and actions. If our communication is jumbled and there are misunderstandings because I am in turmoil inside then… However if I am clear inside, my motives transparent and my language un-jumbled then... So we need to begin with our relationship with our self and once we have sorted this out we will find all our other relationships automatically become more harmonious and happy.
In relationship with God
This comes last but in fact it really comes first. This is the relationship that truly heals me and can make me whole again. Now we are in give-take relationships with each other. Increasingly people are experiencing an inner emptiness. Others and ‘things‘ can fill this emptiness temporarily, God’s love though can fill all the empty spaces within me and then full once more I can give to others not needing anything in return.
The key: my connection with myself, this comes first.
The sign: everyone around me will celebrate my success with me.
How?
1) Make time to be with yourself
2) Develop the inner strength to forgive and forget yourself first and then others
3) Be aware of the language you are using about yourself. Are you putting youself down?
4) Be aware of your thoughts about others and events
5) Accept responsibility (love and detachment) rather than being dependent (attached). Attachment leads to suffering, instead learn to give and receive.
6) Look inwards and remove blockages knowing that you can deal with them and conquer them.
7) Negative comments etc. impact on your and others’ minds, instead create a safe place for yourself and others to come to and feel secure.
If I put myself right automatically the world will become right. First benefit yourself and then it will be easy to benefit others and create nourishing and sustaining relationships.
