Do you feel like you are rowing with great effort, and yet getting no-where? Have you double-checked if there are any ropes still tying you to the bank? When we have the impulse to move on but are getting no-where, despite making lots of effort, it’s a good bet that we’ve probably missed untying a rope or two. It may be a black, golden, thin, thick, old or new rope– in all cases it is keeping us tied to the bank, going no-where and exhausted.
First, we need to ‘see’ the rope that is tying us to the bank. Is it a passing comment or a chance remark someone made recently? Is it something said to us from childhood? As children we are particularly impressionable, and something said thoughtlessly, like, “you’re clumsy”, we can accept as our reality. It becomes a ‘story’ we tell ourselves about ourselves. We take that on as our attribute and become clumsy. Then again it might be a memory – happy, sad or shocking – that we are holding onto. Or it could be a past hurt. A lot of ropes are made of hurts from the past.
What stops us ‘seeing’ these ropes? Often there is a hidden pay-off, such as a feeling of familiarity. We may be choosing this pay off, unconsciously, over the uncertainty of what might be around the next bend in the river. If it is a past hurt, we sometimes hold on because we think that if we forget, it will mean that ‘they’ have got away with it. Is this really true though?
Who is really being held prisoner here – us or them? At other times, it might be that we are simply afraid of the ‘ouch’ of letting go. It is like having a piece of barb wire stuck in our hand and choosing the lingering pain of holding onto it, over the sharp pain of pulling it out.
The choice. To untie the rope or not. Ask yourself: How would I feel if I let go? Who could I become? What do I think will happen if I let go? What will happen if I don’t? Do I want newness in my life? Is the price of holding on worth it? Can I imagine a future in which I am free and empowered? If the answer is ‘Yes,’ the next question is: When? Now? In fact it can only ever be ‘now.’ It can only ever be ‘now’ or not now. So, why not be bold and do it now?
Know that everything happens for a reason, and everything that has happened has happened to bring you to this moment. If you choose to let go and move on, what happens next will be different. It will also be new. We need to trust in the process of life, that there is a benevolent wind that will take our boats forward when we let go. Boats aren’t meant to be tied up. We aren’t meant to stay sitting safely in the harbour. We are meant to be sailing the rivers and the seas.
