A question: With so much having been done and being done to alleviate suffering in the world why is suffering still with us? Are we missing something? Why are even the rich and famous who have it ‘all’ often falling into great distress, too?
An answer: Take the example of curing a disease; if we treat the diseases’ signs and symptoms we temporarily alleviate these, however, to cure the disease itself we need to address its underlying cause. Could this be a parallel for ‘suffering’ i.e. we are only addressing the signs and symptoms and not the underlying cause?
The primary underlying cause of suffering? Suffering is primarily the result of a blurring of boundaries. The boundary between ones’ self and the situation/another person(s). This blurring -due to stepping over the ‘line’ (my own boundary)- means that I can no longer separate myself from the situation/other person. I have come to identify with it/them and my security and happiness have somehow got mixed up with its resolution/dependent on another’s behaviour. I have invested my value and security in this external ‘set-up’ and my sense of self as a separate, independent and complete being has gone. I have forgotten myself. The suffering I experience is due to defining myself with that which is not me.
This blurring also means that I am no longer seeing the other person as a whole and separate being either. I no longer see that deep inside they are secure, capable and loving. I have forgotten who they are. The suffering they are experiencing is due to defining themselves with that which they are not.
The greatest compassion is to act to re-establish the boundaries for myself and others. To address this underlying cause. When someone is suffering they are not seeing themselves as a complete and beautiful being that exists eternally and independently of the situation/other. The greatest compassion we can show someone at such a time is to hold that distinction for them, to see them as that separate and positive spiritual being, for example, if someone is angry don’t address the anger see the real being that they are and what is really good about them. See what happens when you do.
To be able to do this for others I first need to do it for myself. So to really address the problem of suffering we really need to begin with getting to know ourselves. If I do not truly know myself I create an ego-identity and invest my sense of self, my value and my security in things that are transient and external to myself. To know myself, who and what I truly am and my original state of being is true compassion for the self. To enable others to do the same for themselves is true compassion for others.
Spend time strengthening yourself so that you can empathize with the positive nature of another to such an extent that they are drawn into empathizing with you.
