My experience (through meditation) tells me that our true nature is that of being calm, loving, happy, resilient and understanding. When we move away from this central awareness we get hooked into things outside of ourselves – we move into e-motion.
- I’m justified to be angry! A little bit of anger doesn’t hurt! – only it takes away our happiness.
- Emotions keep us safe / our emotional defences are our protection, e.g. fear, anger. – only ironically, all we are doing is making ourselves more and more vulnerable.
- To worry is to care. only worry does not help it just fuels the situation with negative energy.
I used to believe that to make things happen I had to get angry. Only when we complain and get angry we just get wound up and everyone else feels threatened and defensive. All we have done is add to the confusion and hurt and in the long term it just breeds distrust.
Why Detox Emotionally?
Our emotions are killing us. They take away our happiness. Plus the link between certain emotions and diseases is widely recognised today. Research is now seeing how when we hold onto negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories that we can actually reshape our ‘cells’ – this causes the negative effect on our physical health.
Q: Do you enjoy feeling angry, sad, envious, guilty, feeling dependent?
The catch: acting out emotions has sometimes got us what we wanted. So, we have got caught in them. However, what we attain by this method is only ever on a short term basis. We want out and yet at the same time part of us does not want to let go – they have become our friends. Do you ever find yourself defending them? We blame others- it’s all their fault. We justify our emotions- we convince ourselves that we have the right to be angry. We bury them.
The price: these cycles of behaviour move us further and further away from our true potential and prevent us from experiencing a life of happiness. We lose our sense of who we are, and become separated from each other. Whatever is going on around us now shapes how we feel, so we try to control what is going on around us – to change others and situations. Not ourselves.
Do you want to detox?
The habit of not wanting to let go is the real problem- change this and it becomes easy to change any habits that you want to change. Often we do not want to let go because we do not want to take on the responsibility of dealing with our emotions. Somewhere along the line though someone has to take the initiative to change; to choose to break the negative cycle.
Letting Go… the easy method.
Most of the time we are caught in a false sense of self. This self dictates to us how we want to be seen in the world; how we want to be treated; what we think is right / wrong and what makes us happy / unhappy. The easy method to let go of the toxins is to discern my true self from the false self, and to take our sense of self worth from who we truly are.
Practices: Strengthen the Positive
- Take time to become still and observe your thoughts, feelings (positive feelings) and emotions (negative whirlwinds)
- Proactively create (using your thoughts) a deep experience of a preferred state of mind (peace, calm, love). When we do the brain then experiences a flood of these good feelings.
- Refresh every now and then throughout the day- step back into this experience. It’s a bit like taking your mind out of the city and into the middle of the countryside/ to create the choice to be still, calm and separate from what I am doing and to just to be me.
- Identify with your positive qualities again and again, especially when we are being negatively projected upon. Nurture true self-awareness and respect.
- Remind yourself of what you value most of all, such as, to maintain my self-respect is much more important than reacting to whatever is happening around me. I cannot control the way anyone responds to me, my part is the only part I am responsible for.
- Take time out to reflect and talk to yourself. …. It is good to visualise where you would like to be in 1, 5, 10 years time. Also, this is an inner battle so we need make time to have that inner conversation, otherwise we are just fighting our emotions and we get nowhere.
- Instead of being defeated by your mistakes. Accept them. Learn from them. Now focus on what you want to do / be.
- Set goals for yourself: have a weekly focus.
It is important to detox as soon as possible, otherwise we carry that emotion with us for the rest of the day or even longer. We need to reflect on what happened, accept the emotions, resolve it and not absorb it.
Reflect: Was there something that I wanted from them? Respect? Love? Admiration? This is our false self (ego) wanting to be fed. Instead realign to your true self, recognise that you are already love and forgive yourself for having temporarily forgotten this. Then also forgive ‘them’ for dishing it out too.
It’s for me to break this pattern if I want to live differently. It is for me to change how I see them and understand that they are not like that all the time. I can then choose to keep a vision of them at their best. When I do this – I find that I begin to feel better about myself and I will become a positive influence on them. I am weakening the cycle.
A good practice here is to introduce regular pauses for yourself throughout the day in which to clean out and realign to your true self (not the emotion).
We need to move from resistance or justification to acceptance and taking responsibility because when there is acceptance we can change. Then a point will come when we have built up our inner strength so much that we do not experience that person or situation as a problem anymore. Instead there is wisdom, understanding and compassion
a) Give each negative emotion a character. This helps to separate yourself from the emotion. Then there is you and the emotion. Dependency could be a monkey; anger a wolf; ego a tiger. I am the master of my inner world and not they of me.
b) See yourself as a sculptor carving out the old negativity. Dis-identify with it. It’s not me. Identify instead with your positive qualities again and again.
c) Be like a palm tree – in a storm it moves with the wind and so it is not uprooted. Its roots go deep. Make your roots deep then you will be easily able to draw on your inner qualities when a storm comes. When the roots go deep it is easy to be tolerant, to accept and flow. Let it be your way, there are a dozen ways to get to the same destination. So we maintain our dignity and yours.
d) Be like a river. When we are connected to our core of peace and love our hearts are able to open to such an extent that we naturally cease to judge others. When we judge we put up a wall. When we let our defences down -with love and trust that the right things will happen- we allow others to let theirs down.
See beyond – I want to live in a different way. My emotions have had their part to play, only now they have had their time. Let them know in a nice way that they are free to go. Like old clothes that don’t fit anymore I can let them go. It’s OK.