Right questions vs. Wrong questions
Negative questions: Why do I feel so down? Why can’t I be happy? How come I never get time for myself?
Positive questions: What can I do to energize myself? What can I read/listen to that will inspire me?
Whatever you question, you become that:
Weak/negative questions dis-empower – they focus on your problems/shortcomings as well as others. They reinforce the situation you’d like to change. They are addictive – in answering the ‘why’, you’ve added a story on top of the problem.
Strong/right questions are empowering. They keep you focused on solutions, on what you can control/do. Right thinking/questioning leads to action. A right question is more of an enquiry which encourages learning and understanding – not of blame. It is the desire to discover and learn something new, to study and discuss what we want more of, not what we want less of. If you don’t like the results you’re getting in your life – try asking completely different questions. They say also that the answer can be in the question…so if I say ‘Why does no one love me?’ The answer is ‘Do I love others?’
Why are questions so important?
Einstein: ‘If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than 5 minutes.” Give yourself the time and space to find the right question – for this we need silence, step back from the clutter in our mind.
How to ask questions?
– ‘If I could press a magic button and get every piece of information I wanted, what would I want to know?’ The answer will immediately help you compose what you want to know.
– Ask a specific question if you want to hear a specific answer. Ask in an open manner to gain insight into another person’s character.
– Pretend that you don’t know. Socrates used this technique – he pretended ignorance in order to encourage others to express their views fully.
Blocks to getting the right answer
– Impatience: If you get impatient you will start doubting yourself and begin to question negatively, the answer will get buried.
– Our attachments, our intentions, what distracts us along the way, the way we envision ‘how’ something should be.
– The language in the question: Clear out ‘maybe’, ’hopefully’, ’can’t’. Brain research has discovered that the human brain does not register or hear the word ‘not’. Reveal ‘what works’ rather than what doesn’t.
– ‘Why?’: ‘Why’ generally is a form of being judgmental, rude and intrusive:’ Why isn’t the work done?’ ’Why haven’t I been informed?’. Rephrase all your ‘why’ questions into ‘what’ ones: ‘What is the reason for the work not been done?’ The aim of questioning is not to order and correct but to understand and improve.
– Not taking responsibility: Make a decision to do something and then create a plan by asking the right questions – have a powerful thought and stick by it and don’t doubt it or the subconscious won’t work for you.
How to get the right answer
Patience and discernment are the keys. The answer might take time to reveal itself.
