Addictions are dependencies and they can be physical, mental or emotional.
Desiring approval
There is both a positive and a negative side to wanting approval. The positive is that it may motive me to achieve/to make effort/to aim to excel when otherwise I may not. Here I am seeking more to please (give happiness to) my teacher, mentor, parents, etc. and to so attain their approval (happiness). Our feel good factor is coming from our personal achievements and from giving others happiness.
It is when wanting approval takes on a negative hew that it leads to addiction. Now approval is no longer a motivating factor for me to excel but a need that others must meet. We look to experiencing the outcome not from our personal efforts but now we are now pandering to others to gain their approval and not making any effort for the self development at all.
Three questions to ask:
1. Where is my need for approval coming from?
2. What am I doing with it now?
3. Where is it going to take me in the future?
Where is my need for approval coming from?
Our original nature is one of giving. The word approval actually comes from a Latin word that means to give. What happens? According to the law of cause-effect (karma) that which we give we receive. So having given we then experience the return of our giving, there is nothing wrong in this. Over time though we become ‘hooked’ on the return and dissociate it from the giving.
So we come into a state where we are taking more than we are giving. The percentage of our taking begins to outweigh that of our giving. Now we are addicted to the return, dependent on what we are taking for our happiness. When this happens we move into our ‘pain’ body and think that others are the cause of our happiness or unhappiness and begin to blame them for our unhappiness. We are now unconscious and there is internal darkness and hope disappears.
What am I doing with it now?
So now I am doing things not to please others (give them happiness) but to attain someone’s approval, been given that approval is paramount to us. In addiction we are unconsciously refusing to face and move through our pain. We deny, we blame and cover up our own neediness and pain. Another thing about approval addiction is that having got someone’s approval on a course of action, if it then goes wrong we have our ready made scapegoat: them. With addictions we are escaping the now. We are never attached to the person/thing but to what we attain form the person/thing.
Where is it going to take me in the future?
Addictions work by giving us a ‘high’ when we get a hit, but this euphoria soon wears off and we go down and so go out looking for our next hit… to be followed by our next down… these ups and downs over time become higher/lower. With addictions we are escaping the now.
To move away from addiction:
1) We need to become conscious of our own addiction and the pain we are using it cover up.
2) Then to understand that we are responsible for ourselves and need to come away form taking support from anything perishable and external. We need to take responsibility for our thoughts, words and actions
3) Then we need to become internally aware of what we are thinking/feeling, moving away from just concentrating on external fulfilments. Everything begins with a thought, we can begin to elevate our consciences by creating new and benevolent thoughts. Creation takes place within our own minds. Observe your feelings, don’t judge or analyse them. In fact don’t think- just observe.
4) Be a detached observer: watching and un-influenced by whatever is happening outside of myself.
5) Dis-identify with the ‘pain’ body, i.e. let go of the past. When we are identifying with something it is not possible to heal it. Pain feeds on pain, never on joy. Unconsciously we identify with our negativity, so we need to separate ourselves from this and come into our positive core.
6) Acceptance: resistance increases our pain, saying: this isn’t how it should be etc. The ego intellectualises, analyses and over-thinks, self-respect generates acceptance. When we accept we think less, experience more and can let go and move on. When you are flooded with peace/love/joy how much are you thinking about? Thinking can be an addiction in itself!
7) Mediation allows us to heal, let go, re-balance and re-establish that link with the Source of all goodness who is offering to restore us to wholeness. In meditation you may encounter obstacles, preserve though and don’t give-up. At first you may find that you encounter a lot of rubbish. This is because the process of meditation first cleanses, all the dirt come out first. Then as you go deeper you may encounter the currents of your conditioned beliefs (such as I am ‘such and such’). Keep going deeper though and you will come into the core of your being where there is complete stillness. Here you will find everything that you have been looking for outside, here on the bed of the ocean of your own consciousness. You can then create your own powerful energy. My responsibility is to emerge this goodness that is within me and not to look to others to give it to me.
