We say, ‘Don’t get mad!’ to each other, and yet when we do become ‘mad’, our hearts are inevitably hurt, and then later comes the regret. So, what can we do to manage our anger? Firstly, to manage anger we have to see what our intentions are. Do I really want to change this pattern of behaviour? Do I really want to be able to choose to respond differently?
Where Does Anger Begin?
It begins very fast with a little thought of dislike or displeasure and then moves with a force and speed all of its own. Every time we express anger it tightens its grip on us, as anything we do repeatedly gets hard-wired within us. However, this also gives us the answer as to how to re-wire.
Re-Wire
We can re-wire by choosing to create a new pattern of behaviour, the old habit then dissolves through lack of use. The most effective pattern to overlay anger is to choose, from now on, to discover and express the best in ourselves. Recognise, experience and express the best of yourself. If we say it is impossible we put it beyond our reach. When we say it is possible there are no limits. We all have our own unique specialities and potential. A leopard can change its spots!
What or Who Pushes ‘My’ Buttons?
We also need to understand what is going on inside ourselves. What or who pushes ‘my’ buttons? When a button is pressed, take a pause and see what is going on. Don’t suppress, just pause and observe. See if you can see things from a different perspective. Give yourself as long as you need, be it 5 minutes, 5 days or longer. Just don’t allow an instant reaction. If you need to, say ‘I’ll have to get back to you on that.’
Nurture Contentment
Can you be angry and grateful at the same time? Start appreciating, count your blessings and acknowledge others’ good points. Fill your heart with gratitude.
At the Beginning of the Day
First thing in the morning set your mind on the track you want it to run on for the day. Schedule in 10 minutes to be with yourself and create ‘that’ feeling be it peace, happiness, love, tolerance, contentment…
During the Day
– Stop your train of thoughts every now and then, even for just 10 seconds, and re-capture that morning’s experience.
– Between meetings, phone calls or tasks, check in with yourself: Could I have done anything differently? Not better but differently.
– If you see something that you don’t like, pause and ask yourself: What would I have done if I was them? You may not get the whole story, but you can get an inkling. This re-directs our mind from building dislike into anger, plus it can broaden our understanding. We haven’t suppressed anything, we have dissolved the seed before it took hold.
– Stuck in a traffic jam or a situation that is trying to provoke you? Have at hand a ready made recording of peaceful, accepting and positive thoughts. Switch it on straight away and invest in these thoughts, rather than fuel your irritation.
At the End of the Day
Check in with yourself and ask yourself two questions:
1) What could I have done differently?
2) What did I learn today?
These two questions work wonders in keeping us on track to bring out the best in us and transform that which we no longer want.
Reading the article has definitely pinpointed all of my TRIGGERS..Now I find myself looking for the quick fix…I know won’t happen..I shall keep the advice given in my head now and even,just as a reference,keep this page to look back on