What happens when I get angry?
Anger can sometimes give us a sense of aliveness, of being in power or a means of control. It creates a lot of stimulation in the body, and guilt in others.
Why do I get angry?
1. Although something external might stimulate anger, the real cause comes down to that I am not happy with myself. There might be dissatisfaction with the self or a feeling of vulnerability. The same feelings keep coming, the same buttons are pressed, because deep down there is an unwillingness to let go of my old habits of doing and thinking.
Forgiveness/acceptance of the self is a big step.
2. The speed of life. Everything is much more instantaneous now. We expect our needs to be satisfied too quickly. It all starts with irritation. There is fear of losing something.
What am I afraid to lose?
My sense of self. Our sense of self gets invested in external things, which I use to define me. When these externals are attacked I feel threatened. I take it personally. I feel vulnerable. We experience pain when we lose those external things. Once lost I look for something else to identify myself with, and so we are caught in this cycle of loss. The fear becomes more and more.
How do we handle/dissolve anger?
I need a new:
– understanding of myself,
– model of myself,
– way of seeing things.
1. Observe what is going on in your inner world.
– The path of spirituality is all about this. When any situation comes let me look inside myself. There is only one thing I can control: me. The problem lies within, not outside. What is creating the problem is my mistaken sense of self. Looking at my responses, my thoughts, emotions and feelings is a powerful tool for identifying and transforming the self.
– Just putting a lid on the pressed buttons doesn’t help; I need to deal with the issues. Acknowledge, accept, that they are there. The most important thing is just to look at that emotion. Observe it. Do not analyse, think about or deny it, just look at it. Experiment with this practice.
What is the benefit in observing my feelings?
– Who is doing the observing? Immediately, a sense of separation takes place. I am different from that emotion. I am no longer identifying with it. This separation allows a light to shine into the situation, the darkness. I become more objective and less attached to the situation.
– I am not inactive, I respond practically but I don’t identify with the negative emotions. I act from wisdom, not react with anger.
2. Acceptance of things which I can’t control gives me power. It allows different possibilities to emerge. It gives a huge relief, opportunity to access to my inner qualities. If the same situation keeps coming; ask yourself ‘what am I missing/not learning here’? Acceptance then allows me to observe, to distant myself.
3. Forgiveness of the self. To develop a new consciousness, a new sense of self, I need to do this because we have collected a lot of baggage in this journey.
What is this real self, this observer?
Understand who you are and what is not you. The real self cannot lose anything. I am a traveller here. I don’t own anything but my spiritual identity, which I need to become more aware of and explore. As a spiritual being, I am valuable. Experiment to see what it is like to be a peaceful, positive being.
Understanding the self as a spiritual being is the basis of dealing with any negative situation, the only way to deal with our old way of reacting. When there is discomfort and pain, it is a message saying that this is not you. You are actually secure.
With the expression of my inner qualities, I will heal my wounds and these negative feelings.
