In relationships we exchange qualities, energy and inspirations. Each relationship has its own context and related responsibilities. So, what is it that makes for win-win relationships all round? Here are four aspects of successful relationships.
Interdependency creates win-win relationships. In interdependency everyone adds to what is being created. They are give-give relationships. Co-dependent relationships, in contrast, are take-take or take-give relationships. They always lead to upset of some sort or another. At some point we inevitably feel disappointed, that our expectations or needs aren’t being meet, taken advantage of or burnt out. In successful relationships we both feel valued and appreciated.
Boundaries are important and are there to keep us safe and protected. Healthy boundaries though shouldn’t be rigid. They can flex based on the person and circumstance, because their posts or roots are strong. Healthy boundaries are those that are based on our values and what is important to us. In successful relationships we know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no.’
We sometimes think we are caring when in fact we are really interfering, gate-crashing, trying to influence or control others. True caring creates win-win relationships. True caring shares and inspires. It gives others the space they need to flex their wings, whilst being on hand if called on. True caring allows others to make their own choices (including mistakes) and experience the consequences of their choices. True caring knows that mistakes don’t define us, but are opportunities to learn and grow. In successful relationships we inspire each other to learn, grow and move on from our choices.
When we are in ego we can easily over-personalise what others say or don’t say to us. In ego we are attached to an image of ourselves that has been informed by our beliefs, family, education, culture and society. In ego we react and things can easily spiral into all sorts of problems. Instead, we can choose to delve more deeply into the riddle of ‘Who am I?’ and emerge our true self-esteem. In reflection and meditation we can dive deep within our own selves and experience the goodness, love, peace, joy and wisdom that are buried there. We can then allow these qualities to emerge in our consciousness and experience them. In successful relationships there is healthy self-esteem on both sides.