We have a myriad of so many different relationships from the day we are born to the day we die.
Consider:
–What is the essence of a good relationship? Respect, acceptance, love, understanding…
–What makes a ‘bad’ one? A lack of any of the above, selfishness, feeling stressed or unbalanced in oneself…
Each experience we have in life leaves it’s mark on us and influences ‘who we are’ today. We each have a depth of experiences behind us, some of which we are aware of and some of which we are not. A cumulation of similar experiences create a ‘lens’ through which we look at (judge and base decisions on) the world. Why is it that in the same situation some of us agree with each other and others don’t at all? It is because we are seeing through the same or different lenses.
We –the self– are surrounded by lenses. Another word for these is sanskars (personality traits) or the habits of the soul. The starting point of creating a habit of the soul is to start thinking in a certain way, repeated enough times this becomes our habitual way of thinking and unconscious. Take a new mother, for example, at first she may not know what to do, however she soon learns how and this then becomes so natural to her that she doesn’t think twice. She has developed the sanskars of motherhood. When she wears these sanskars she sees everything through the lens of ‘mum.’
We create all sorts of lenses (sets of sanskars) and some we find more successful than others. We may even wear different ones in different situations. Would you say you behave differently depending on who you are with? So, when two people meet it is in fact two sets of lens that meet- not two people. Sometimes these lens are in agreement and sometimes they clash.
Cracking the code
To crack the relationship code, first we need to have self-respect. Then we can understand others and truly meet each other. The word ‘respect’ comes from the Latin word ‘respicere’ which means to look back at; to look again; to see again; to consider. To have self-respect thus means to consider or see the self again.
Consider the people you like / don’t like. What is the common factor? Usually it is authenticity, realness and trustworthyness. How do we get real? The answer is to move inside, to move our center of gravity from our lenses to our centre and reacquaint ourselves with ourselves. This is a place below all habits and criticisms. It is a place of silence. Then all we need to do is to keep doing this over and over again until eventually it becomes our natural habit to sit at our center.
To sit at our center is to be in a state of self-respect. This is a very stable place to sit. When our center is a ‘lens’ we are unbalanced and easily knocked over. Stress, is a result of having moved away from our core, of not being true to ourselves.
What do find there? If you were to analyse all that you do you would probably find that everything actually came down to seeking to experience peace, love, happiness, contentment, fulfilment and truth. Instead all we need to do is move back into our center, at our core we are peace, love and authenticity (pure).
When we live from our core life becomes natural and we have natural good relationships. We have just gone off track, now coming back and realising who we are we can break the relationship code.
