‘Angry people are those who are most afraid’ –
Dr Robert Anthony
To be free of anger we have to become free from fear. We are afraid because we feel insecure, empty and dependent.
If one was to listen to people all over the world speaking there are probably two words that come out tops: my (mine) and I.
‘my/mine’
When we say something is ‘ours’ we are binding ourselves to it; it now belongs to us and along with this comes the fear of losing it. We now no longer feel quite as secure as we did, so what do we do? We attempt to re-attain our lost security by calling more and more things ‘mine’ only to find we are doing the opposite and becoming more and more insecure. We embroil ourselves further and further; now have 100s of ‘mines’ we could lose from objects we own to our job, our friends, our house, our car, our plants, our pub etc. We become so trapped in this web that if anyone -by accident or not- breaks, takes, damages or spoils any of these ‘mines’ we become angry.
A real solution? Become a trustee of all your ‘mines’. Nothing is ours after all, we just have the use of it for a while whilst we are here. We have guardianship or care of it for a while. If it goes I haven’t lost anything as it wasn’t ‘mine’ to begin with.
‘I’
Here we move into identifying with what we have called ‘ours’. The sign of this false ego ‘I’ is that we take it personally if anyone insults or praises something of ours: plants, car, children, wife, company I work for, country etc. we react. When there is an ego ‘I’ there is fear of loss and of death. As with ‘my’ we mistakenly think that we will lessen our insecurity by making more and bigger ‘I’s – we strive to be the funniest comedian, the fastest ever athlete, the greatest businessman. Then if any of these are threatened or criticised we become angry.
A lasting solution? Hope is the central I – the I that is the true me. In knowing this I, all these other ‘I’s drop away; anger goes and security returns. Choose to spend time getting to know this I. Now if someone criticises you have a choice; either you can get angry and become more trapped, or stop and realise that what has happened is that a false ‘I’ has just been highlighted for you so that you can release it. The more false ‘I’s we drop the more secure we feel. Be patient with yourself though, the hardest ‘I’s to drop are the ones we don’t see.
The journey back to complete security begins with a single step. This one step brings us more clarity than we had before and a glimpse of what it is to feel secure. The next step brings even more clarity and a growing feeling of security… so we spiral upwards.
