Looking at children, it’s easy to see that they are often more resilient that adults. They have the uncanny ability to live in the moment – the present – and enjoy what they have now without judging and without wanting for the whole world and more. Children have less expectations allowing them to learn from experiences and without this lessoning their being able to “dream big”.
How do we lose elasticity or our resilience?
One thing that really makes us less resilient is when we go into situations ‘wanting’ or expecting a particular outcome. When we ‘want’ something in this way we end up in a position of weakness that leaves us feeling empty. Then if things go awry, our minds take off on a tangent and there is nothing we feel we can do to stop the spin cycle we get stuck in.
First, take a look behind and see why you want something. Ask yourself, ‘Why do I want this?’ and keep going until you have peeled away all the layers. Most likely, you will end up with a single layer thinking that this thing is what will bring you peace, love, or happiness.
This peace, love and happiness that we want are in fact primary motivators behind almost everything that we do. As children, we experience these naturally. As we grow, however, we move away from being these. We are taught that peace, love and happiness are commodities that we have to go out and buy or attain somehow. We forget that they are what we are.
We can re-build our resilience by focusing on and experiencing our inner peace, love and happiness. Sitting quietly, reflect and meditate on peace, love and happiness. The more we increase our experience of these inner states of being, the more they become our natural state which in turn influences our way of thinking.
Eventually, we can have such resilience that in the face of disappointment we are able to remain upbeat, silence the negative commentary and find the benefit in what before would have been a major disappointment to us.