Love, Expectations and Freedom

expectations (2)

Love is…it just is, isn’t it?  Simple to say it, but a bit tricky to live it, right? Why? Because we have the habit of holding expectations, especially when it comes to others. Our relationships are filled with expectations. And without realising, we create a web of expectations and trap ourselves in this web, and creating our own heartbreaks through our disappointments and frustrations.

The good news is, there is a way out of this web. When we see ourselves as we truly are, we see that we are love. Pure love has freedom in it and no expectations. Then we can be detached observers of the web. Then, I can start to understand that the only things I can control are my thoughts and freedom. So, if I want to experience more love, my aim should be to slowly reduce my expectations. This is the beginning of real freedom and pure love. But, where do we start? Here are 3 ways to move from expectations to pure love:

  1. Be realistic and accept that mistakes and setbacks are a natural part of any relationship, and use them as opportunities for learning, growth, and deeper connection.
  2. Know that the things we expect from others can be attained from inside ourselves. If we want to be loved, we can go inside and find that.
  3. Sometimes, we expect others to do things our way. When we hold the idea that everyone needs to do things my way, we lose our happiness and inner state of well-being. ‘My way is correct’, which begins with a simple thought, ‘I think this is correct’.

We need to think about our feelings for others. For instance, are they gentle? Think of the mind as a golden vessel within you. When full of good feelings for others, it is golden. If negative, it becomes iron-like and rusts and ‘hurts’ us.

Ask yourself, ‘Can I put myself in their shoes?’ We can then see things more clearly and understand where they might be coming from. We need clarity, otherwise, we are fuelled by our false beliefs.

Take time to sit with yourself to become silent, and understand your reaction to a situation tied up with your thoughts. Learn to listen to:
a) the part of you that is tied up in the web
b) the part of you that is merciful, big-hearted, and loving

Empower the latter, and never lose trust in that part of yourself, no matter what the situation is like.  Know that when you have good wishes for others, whether they are being nice to you or not, co-operating with you or not, you feel good.

But expectations can also serve us in a positive way. They can help us set standards and boundaries on how we allow others to treat us because in relationships, we need healthy boundaries. Love is when we respect each other’s boundaries and communicate openly about what is acceptable and comfortable for both parties. Do not assume that the other person can read your mind or intuitively know your expectations without clear communication. Avoid passive-aggressive behaviour or expecting the other person to fulfil unspoken desires or needs. Communicate openly and honestly with them about your needs, desires, and expectations. Establishing clear communication lays the foundation for mutual understanding and trust in the relationship.

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